This is Me

Kathi Wells Macomber
4 min readMay 24, 2022

‘This is Us’ is on, grab the tissues.

Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

Anyone who has lost a parent probably had a hard time watching “This is Us.” I don’t just mean the finale, but the whole show. The series is based on how the loss of a parent early in life affects everyone in that family for generations. Generations.

During the show’s six seasons, I often heard people say how much the show makes them cry. “‘This is Us’ is on, grab the tissues.” I rarely, if ever, cried during this show. I don’t get to impact the next generation like Rebecca Pearson.

One of the hardest parts of not having kids is knowing that I won’t have generations after me. That last episode emphasized the circle of life. Announcing the new baby coming into the family as Rebecca was dying is classic life from death stuff. Randall and Kevin sit vigil at their mother’s death bed while also watching their children play four square out the window. Total circle of life.

I’ve said goodbye to both of my parents. I didn’t get to hold my mom’s hand at the end due to work obligations. I was never going to let that happen again. I held my dad’s hand as he took his last breath. I said those same I love yous over and over as Rebecca’s children did in the finale. I hope my “I love yous” got through to him like the speaker on Rebecca’s train. That part I felt to my bones. And yes, I cried during that scene.

I participated in that part of the circle. I am carrying on for my parents, but then the circle stops for me.

Now, I’m not writing this to complain. Life did not work out for me to have kids. Yes, I always wanted kids. Lots of little choices or mistakes along the way lead to an end without children. So I hate answering the question, “why don’t you have kids?” I’ve hated it for about 25 years now.

On Mother’s Day, I don’t go out into the world. If I do, every cashier, store owner, or random person passing me on a dog walk wishes me happy Mother’s Day. I’ve started saying happy Mother’s Day back. I love the expression on people’s faces, especially men, when they say, “I’m not a mother.” And I reply, “I’m not either,” and smile. Maybe, if they say that to one less stranger that day, it will be worth it.

Many more in younger generations are choosing not to have children. So, maybe one day, I won’t be so…

Kathi Wells Macomber

We are full time RVing. We hope to see 49 state in the next few years. I am writing about our adventures as well as my time as a caregiver for my father.