Caring for Aging Parents — Role Reversal

The neurologist stepped out of the room after telling us a laundry list of things to be working on over the next months. I don’t remember anything he said, but I will always remember my dad’s reaction to it. He looked distraught. “What are you thinking dad?” “Who’s going to do all that?” he asked. Without skipping a beat, I said, “I am dad. Don’t I always?” He teared up. My dad was always a big softy. He could be intimidating and instinctively commanded respect, but he was also known for his big heart. “Dad, seriously, you took care of me for so long. Now it’s my turn.”

By this point in my dad’s fight with Parkinson’s, he was usually confident in me, but at that moment, he felt overwhelmed. It is humbling to watch a strong, commanding man learn to lean on others. He was terrible at it. He would get mad at me often for helping him.

One night, leaving a high school football game after watching his grandchildren march in the band, he was having a hard time getting his footing. I went to take his hand to help him, and he shook me off. We were getting ready to cross a big street, and I knew he had no ability to judge when to cross on his own. I think he knew it too, but he didn’t want to admit it in that moment. “Relax,” he yelled. One of my dad’s favorite words which means back off.